“Bring me my tiara!”

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New Years Resolutions 2017

wise-yogi-No more vacuuming before 11 A.M., Penny needs her rest.

-Never ever wash both dog beds and all sofa pillows at the same time, that did not go down well.

-Try harder to figure out what Jarah wants me to do when she does the sit-stare, she does not have all day.

-Wait patiently until Dachshund is done sniffing, even when it’s freezing.

-Find a way to not look stupid when both Dachshunds do the Houdini and I’m just standing there with two empty collars on a leash.

-Find a faster way to close and lock the front door behind me, because a Dachshund has no reverse.

-Always apologize, even though it’s not my fault.

-Be the towel.

-Never ever touch Penny’s feet without her permission.

-Sit still until Dachshund is fully rested.

-Always give Dachshund a sample of everything I’m eating.

-Never replace a shredded Hydrangea.

-Always open the back door, even though it has a cat flap.

-Find out what the hell that white stuff is that smells so pungent.

-Don’t throw a ball unless I feel like going to get it myself.

-Pray for a housecleaner patience.

-Always sacrifice personal comfort to give Dachshund extra lumbar support.

-Obedience: try lowering expectations instead.

-Adapt daily routine to Dachshund schedule.

Leave all doors open so Penny does not have to wait. Be more Feng Shui.

-Always pull out extra garden chairs to avoid loosing battle.

-Practice looking natural for when I’m suddenly on my own in a field.

-Frame Yogi Tea label: “Every smile is a direct achievement”.

-Be more suspicious when it’s silent.

-Accept that one step forward will always mean three steps back to go get your Dachshund.

-See a freshly dug hole in the garden as an opportunity.

-Always put Jarah’s food in a bowl so she can spread it out on the kitchen floor.

-New Mantra: Sand is my Friend

-Never ever sing “jummy, jummy, jummy who wants food in their tummy”  after a phone call switched to voicemail.

-Reminder: Everything that looks funny, probably is.

-Look more cool when playtime suddenly turns into a moment of serenity and I’m the only one holding a squeaky toy.

-Note to self: Because I’m worth it.

 

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Happy 2017!

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Hey! It’s Christmas! Let’s Jingle!

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He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice?!!

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The Day Nothing Happened…

On this magical day I’m taking you back to the 21st of December 2012: Doomsday. Or Armageddon if you like. Or the Apocalypse. Or the day we would all either get blown into smithereens by the planet Nibiru or get swallowed up by a black hole. Really you’d wish someone would make up their mind about these things, I mean what’s a girl to wear? Of course in the end nothing happened, which is slightly disappointing, but also quite suspicious I think. Fear not, I have come up with a couple of theories as to what could have caused this epic fail.

-It was a typo

-The world was saved by Indiana Jones

-They meant 21-12-2012-give-or-take-a-few-years

-Some ancient Mayan blokes got drunk and started a bet

-Planet X Nibiru was a lot smaller than we thought

-The outcome was manipulated by Russian hackers

-They used ancient Paul the octopus

But because prophecies are always so bloody unpredictable it’s better to be safe than sorry I think. Which is why I’ve designed a Doomsday special to please the dogs gods: The Mayan dog harness. So no worries, from now on we will keep the planet completely safe from any form of catastrophe. Well, that is until Penny gets a chance to shred them to bits of course…

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A Merry Little Christmas…

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